We're all packed!!!

Everything is packed and ready for the double check in the morning!! I have so many emotions right now it's hard to articulate exactly how I'm feeling. This has been a week of many highs and lows!!

The fundraising party night!

  The biggest emotion I am feeling is overwhelming gratitude!! The support I have received from family, friends, and the community has been incredible. This past weekend my friends Andrea and Cynthia hosted a fundraising party to support the race! It was an awesome night with friends, hanging out at the pool and finishing with drinks around the campfire! A huge thank you to Andrea and Cynthia for organising it!!!

All the kids hanging out at the party

Also my sister, Sherra, contacted the local paper and told them our story. Rachel from the Guelph Mercury called me and interviewed me on Monday. I am still so honoured that they chose to run the story and very thankful for the donations and words of support from everyone. So thank you everyone for all your encouragement, stories, and support!! I really really appreciate it!!! 
http://www.guelphmercury.com/news/local/article/779545--guelph-woman-swimming-biking-running-for-a-cure

I'm also feeling a bit heavy and anxious. My Granddad had a stroke on Monday morning. He is in the hospital now and he's being well looked after so I know he is in good hands. He is a man I have always admired. He is 92 years old and until Monday has been caring for my Nana in their own place. He isn't on any medication and hasn't had an overnight hospital stay as long as I've known him. He was a German soldier who walked through Russia in the middle of winter while friends around him gave up. And he survived being a POW in England where he met my Nana on the other side of the fence. And when my Mom told my Granddad about my Dad's diagnosis he told her to never give up hope because a man isn't anything without hope. I admire his strength. So seeing him in the hospital while I was visiting him yesterday was hard. He told me that he'd be cheering me on this weekend and wished me all the best. And I've been thinking that somewhere maybe I have a little ounce of his determination and strength that I can use this Sunday.

I'm also feeling very nervous!!! I just reread some race reports and forums from people who raced the Mont Tremblant 70.3 in June. Every report says hills, hills, hills!!!! After tapering for the last few weeks I think I've forgotten all the training I've done and my mind is trying to trick me. I'm starting to feel like I'm not fit enough to do this and reading these stories is getting my heart - and stomach going. There really is nothing I can do about it now though - I just need to do my race!!

And last - I'm feeling very excited!!! I just want to do it. I just want to get out there and be on the start line. In reality I have worked hard for this day, I have sacrificed a lot of family time, and I do deserve to be there. So here I am at 11:00pm when I should be sleeping, but I'm excited and I just want to be there!!

So I want to thank everyone again for all the support. It has been truly overwhelming and I really hope I have good news to report!! I may get some time to blog again - I'm not sure what the next few days will bring!!

Just over a week to go!!!!!

So a few weeks have passed since the last entry! The taper began and the reduction in training hours has been a wonderful blessing. One would think that would mean more time to update the blog!!! But I've got to say I've been in a funny place lately and when that happens I always retreat a bit and take some time to think. 

       I've been thinking about how I'm nearing the end of this journey and I've been looking back on what it has meant to me. It's funny the way things fall into place. I was going for a run while my Dad was sick and an idea just popped in my mind to race an Ironman to raise money for a cure. I guess when faced with an incurable tumour the only hope I could see would be for research to move faster than the tumour! I told my Dad what my plan was - I think in such a helpless situation it was my way of trying to help. Shortly after my Dad passed away Damien came home and told me they just announced that a new Ironman was going to open in Mont Tremblant. I really felt like this is what I was meant to do. What I didn't realise is how much this process would help me grieve for my Dad. I think of where I was when I signed up for the race compared to where I am now and I really believe the training has gotten me here. 

       There is a lot of trauma when you see someone you love dying in front of you. At the time it's too much to process so it stays away somewhere deep within you. While riding my bike or going for a run these memories would surface again. Memories of my Dad's face when he realised his diagnosis, memories of  his frustration as he's trying to hold his grandkids with one good arm, memories of watching his erratic breathing knowing it was close to the end. When these thoughts would surface the pain was so intense and the only relief would be to bike harder or run harder. And when I gave it all I could there was a sense of peace that came after. 

     I think a natural process of grief is also guilt. It's human nature to somehow blame ourselves for everything - I know I do a good job of it as a mother. I've been thinking that maybe this race has also been a way for me to rid myself of guilt. Like I'm doing my penance for the person I wasn't. Did I miss out on too many years with my Dad while travelling and living in Australia? Was I my Dad's best advocate when he was misdiagnosed as having a stroke? Did I say the right words to him to comfort him when he needed them most? Did I let him know how much I love him and how much he meant to me? These are all things I've thought about while on my long training rides and runs. And on everyone of those training sessions I would see the odd butterfly fluttering past or the random motorcyclist driving past - like little reminders from my Dad that its all ok. And I'd go home with that sense of peace again. 

      So the reduction of training hours has been bittersweet. It reminds me that this will soon be over and I'm not sure what to expect when I don't have this race as my focus. But something happened this week that made me feel like I am in a better place. I was watching the Olympics, which I have been loving, and there was a story on trampolinist Rosie MacLennan. The story was about her relationship with her Grandfather, who had a huge impact on her career. She mentioned stories of when he would watch her compete and talks they would have together. The story had me in tears and at first I felt this sadness at the loss of that relationship in my own boy's lives. They will never know what kind of person my Dad was, the kind of love he was so full of, the strength and determination he showed, the kindness and laughter he always shared. But I realised that I had that with my Dad and because of that it has defined who I am as a person. My boys may not have their Grandpa to watch their games or to have meaningful talks about life with them because that is not our story. Our story will be different and it's up to me how it plays out. I need to be my Dad's legacy, I need to show my boys who my Dad was by living out who he made me to be. 

       So I want to race this race with the same determination and fight that my Dad showed when he was faced his biggest trial. I want to say at the end of the day - this is what Grandpa would've done. And my boys will know him through me. 

       This is what these past few weeks have been to me. Our coaches notes say that on race day take all your emotions and store them away, then use them in the last half of the marathon because it's not your head or your training that will get you through - it's your heart. 

Since these past few weeks haven't been so much about training I won't give a detailed training report. I'll sum it up here:

July 23- 29th - 15.5 hours training
July 30- Aug 5th - 10.5 hrs training

We are leaving Thursday August 16th and I will write an entry before we leave!! I'm hoping to keep it updated while we are away but I'll see what my internet access will be like!! I'll leave this entry with some photos of what kind of Grandpa my Dad was!! 

Tyler and my Dad

Josh and my Dad

My Dad and Andrew

My Dad and Tyler

My Dad with Joshua

3 Generations - My Grandpa, my Dad and all the grandsons

James and Tyler having fun with my Dad

Dad with Tyler and Ryan in the cubby house

My Dad and Ryan

4 Weeks to go!!!!

This has been a week of extreme ups and downs!! Damien and I went to Kelso for my 2^nd open water swim last week on Monday. I was feeling pretty good about it and we got in the water and just started swimming. I can always see the many years of ocean swimming that Damien has under his belt. He is so comfortable in the water and I can tell he enjoys it. I was trying to find my rhythm but I couldn’t seem to control my breathing. I think I had a mild panic attack in the middle of the lake. I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath and suddenly felt like my wetsuit was way too tight. I kept thinking that I can’t do this! I can’t swim 200m – how am I going to swim 3.8kms??!! I managed to get through 2kms of swimming but each time I reached the other end I would be gasping for air. I left that swim session very panicky. I wasn’t worried at all about the 180kms bike ride or the marathon run – it was 3.8kms that might stop me from doing this.

The next day we had a 120km bike ride in the hills. Tuesday was the hottest day of training so far – temperatures in the 40’s!! Between the heat and the headwind my hilly ride was shortened to 90kms and I was spent!! Again – not a great confidence builder. I think after the last few weeks of heavy training my body was really starting to get tired. We listened to the coaches notes and took some time off. Damien and I skipped the night of hill repeats and relaxed instead! Very very needed!!

Thursday night my sister had the boys for dinner and Damien and I headed out to Kelso again! I had spent the past couple days reading about open water swim anxiety and felt I had a few tricks up my sleeve!! Damien also told me that he changes his breathing technique in open water compared to swimming in the pool. Instead of breathing every 3^rd stroke I was going to try breathing every 2^nd. Realizing that it was panic that I was experiencing and not a lack of fitness made me feel better. We hopped in the water and off we went. I kept counting my strokes to keep my mind off things. I breathed every 2^nd stroke and I was so calm. I did it!! I swam 2kms straight and felt awesome!!! It was only 2kms of swimming but for me I felt I had conquered the whole race – I can do this!!! I will still be the happiest person in the world when I get out of the water on August 19^th!!!!

Friday was another huge win!! Damien and I rode 180kms and finished the ride with a 35min run!! It felt so good to complete the 180kms and know that I can do the distance. I ran 6.5kms off the bike and felt pretty good. Not sure how 42.2kms will feel but I’m expecting some major ups and downs!!!

With all this training we have been relying heavily on family to look after our boys!! At the start of the week we’ve been sending our training program to my Mom and my sister and we work out between the 2 of them the days that they can help. We could never be doing this without them and they are as much a part of this race as we are!! A huge thank you, thank you, thank you for all your help guys!!! You are amazing!!!

On Friday while Damien and I were doing our bike ride my sister had all the boys at my place!! They put up their lemonade stand to raise more money for the Brain Tumour Foundation!!! A big shout out to the boy’s first customer who only had a quarter on him for a drink but came knocking at the door later in the day with $20 for the boys donation jar!! He thought it was a great cause!!!

Here are the totals for the week. This coming week is going to be a lot of training again – but then we start our taper!!

So this past week July 16-22 totals:

RUN: 62kms (6hrs15mins)

BIKE: 270kms – (11hrs30min) – hills and longest ride – 180kms

SWIM: 4.3kms – 2 open water swims

Total training hours: 19hrs45mins

5 Weeks to go!!!!

This past week has flown by – and I don’t like that!! I feel like the secret to life is to slow it down but when I’m thinking about my next training session or the next time I get to sleep I stop enjoying where I am in the moment. That is actually part of our coach’s notes – racing in the moment. I’m trying to practice that in my training. Instead of dwelling on mistakes made earlier in the race – or dwelling on how many kms are ahead of you, just take the race moment by moment. So in training when my legs are burning and I want to stop - I just think about turning my legs over and over and over. Who knows how this will go in the marathon after 180km bike ride!!!! Just saying that gets me nervous!!!

This week my swimming got a little better – I managed to make 2 of my intended 4 swims. Not bad considering my past record!! I also did my first open water swim with the help of friends watching the kids to make it possible!!! Open water swimming does scare me but it is all in my head. I need to calm down and have the confidence that I can do it and I’m not going to drown J !! Big shout out to Dan who taught me about drafting during the swim. It makes a huge difference to hang behind someone’s feet and follow directly behind them. It also makes for a little game to find someone’s feet who you can draft off easily – the long 3.8km swim might go by a little faster!! After about 300m I’m hoping to get into a rhythm and just keep going. My mantra for the whole race will be the same as our race shirts “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Phil 4:13.

I want to include some more pictures from the photo session we had at the bench during the celebration day for my Dad. Most of my Dad’s brother’s and his sister and my Grandma and Grandpa came for the day and we were able to get some wonderful photos – what a keepsake! We just got them this week and they are great!!

Here are the totals for the week. I think there is one more week of very heavy training – then we taper (maybe?).

So this past week July 9-15 totals:

RUN: 75.5kms (7hrs30min) – 1 session of hill repeats

BIKE: 304kms – (11hrs30min) – hill and flats with efforts (longest ride – 160kms)

SWIM: 5.5kms – one 3.5km pool swim and one 2km open water swim (2hrs10min)

Total training hours: 21hrs10mins

6 Weeks to go!!!!

Just writing that gets me nervous and very excited!! The preparation for this race started in December and now in 6 weeks I will be at the start line. It has been quite a journey already!! I’ve had weeks where I hit every training session and weeks where I miss a lot! I have runs where I feel invincible and runs where I feel every step. Bike rides where I love the time to myself and bike rides where I just want to get home to my family!! And swimming – don’t get me started on swimming!!! Swimming is my Achilles heel and the one area where my training hasn’t gone quite as well. I’m starting to wake up at night thinking about it so I’ve put a new plan in place – it’s called no more missing swim sessions!!! This week with 1 swim session already under my belt and 3 more planned I’m hoping to make up for lost time. When I’m out of the water on August 19^th I would have already accomplished a major goal. My biggest fear is not making the 2 hour and 20 minute cut off time – months of bike and run training out the door!!

Since my last entry we marked a year of my Dad’s passing which was on the May long weekend. We had our family come over to see the bench that we dedicated to my Dad and we also had a big BBQ with fireworks!! It was so nice being together to remember my Dad and it was a very special day! All 5 of my Dad’s grandson’s wore their race day shirts! They looked so cute in them and I can’t wait to see them wearing them on race day! They will give me inspiration!

The training this month has stepped up and from this point on I’m going to record our training weeks to keep a record. I’m not sure when we start tapering for race day but I’m looking forward to it already!!

So this past week July 2-8 totals:

RUN: 63kms (5hrs45min) – 1 session of hill repeats

BIKE: 315kms – 13 hrs – focused on hills

SWIM: nil L- instead of open water swimming with Damien one night - we went for drinks and dinner instead J

Total training hours: 18hrs 45mins

So after this week I’m feeling good about the bike and run training but swimming is stressing me out! Let’s see what this week brings!!! I’ll report back!

Heading out for a ride!

Its been awhile.....

It has been a while… too much training and not enough blogging!!! These past couple months have been busy and crazy but I suppose that is just life!! There have been a few obstacles causing more rest time than I would’ve liked …. Strep throat went through the family, Damien went to Las Vegas for work, and I’ve been having trouble finding the right balance between maintaining this household and training. These setbacks have been really good for me though. It’s allowed me to take a step back and refocus on what this race is all about.

 

I’ve come to realize that Ironman is not only about physical training, it’s about mental training as well.  These past months I’ve been reading some amazing books which have given me a new perspective. Most notably are the books “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp and “The Great Divorce” by C.S. Lewis. I’ve always found peace when God is the focus in my life but it’s so easy to get weighed down and distracted by everyday challenges. Lately I’ve been trying to live in a state of gratitude -finding the good and appreciating the moment no matter what the circumstances. I have a long way to go before I ever master this but it’s been a great learning experience. My mentor is my Dad. I will always remember the last few months when he was with us. I believe these moments show who a person really is. My Dad was always full of hope and optimism – I remember when my Mom told someone that my Dad’s right shoulder was losing strength,  my Dad made sure she also told them that he was gaining strength on his left side. He became very reflective towards the end and I would see him just sitting and taking everything in, always with a slight smile on his face. He was the one putting us at ease with his determination to fight, his determination to get his strength back, his determination to keep going. He never dwelled on the terminal diagnosis; his focus was always on what he needed to do next.

I’m trying to apply this to my own life now. Even in the midst of chaos I’m trying to maintain a place of thankfulness and when I do this it’s amazing how peaceful everything becomes. I think of Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – dwell on these things.” So God, in response to all my obstacles, I want to thank You for the illnesses my family recovers from, I want to thank You for a husband that works hard for us, I want to thank You for a household that I have to maintain, I want to thank You for the ability to swim, to bike and to run. And although I’m not in a place – and I don’t know if I ever will be in a place – to thank You for the loss of my Dad, I can thank You for the gifts You’ve given because of it. And Dad… I want to thank you. For in your fight to hold onto life you’ve taught me how to truly live mine.

I want to also mention some very special grateful moments from this weekend. My sweet nephews James and Andrew sold some lemonade to raise money for the Brain Tumour Foundation for my race in Mont Tremblant!!! They were so excited to set up their stand and they gave me their proceeds with pride!! I am also very thankful that the bench we had dedicated to my Dad is ready and at it’s home in the Arboretum in Guelph -just in time for the one year anniversary of his passing. We are having a celebration of my Dad next weekend and are looking forward to bringing everyone to the bench for photos! 

A shout out....

....to my husband. Since the passing of my Dad my Mom has told me on numerous occasions not to take my husband for granted. I know for a fact that my Mom never took my Dad for granted but I think she's been reflecting on those times in a marriage when you disagree about something that really isn't that important. This past month I've been paying close attention to how much I rely on Damien in my life and how much of a team we are. It's the little things... watching me while on my bike then making adjustments so my position is better, noticing when my patience is starting to run out and taking control of the kids, or listening to me complain about something then quietly fixing it! Things that I probably have taken for granted!
     This past year has been hard for Damien too. He really loved my Dad but his grief has had to be put aside while he's played the supporting role for me. I remember the last week we had my Dad home I relied on Damien to be there for the kids while I spent any moment I could with my Dad. On one occasion Damien had left work early to quickly spend time with my Dad before I needed him home for the kids. I'm so happy that he took that opportunity because that was the last time he really spoke to him. That's when my Dad famously said to him "Damien - there is only one thing wrong with me. When they can fix this one thing I'll be fine". Again - I miss his eternal optimism.
     My Dad never missed an opportunity to tell our family how much he loved us. But during that last week he said things to all of us with a different intensity. Like he was trying to burn these words in our hearts to have forever. Like when he looked at me and Sherra and told us how much he loved his son-in-laws and how proud he was of our families. I think in life even as we get older we always strive for our parents approval. I'm so thankful to have had the time with my Dad for moments like that.

     So it seems fitting that Damien and I should be doing this huge challenge together like we face most things in life - together!! So thank you love!!!

Damien and Dad!

Dad with Pat and Damien